My Eulogy (rough draft)


I’m getting on a plane tomorrow. In the past, before I had children, and if that plane were flying over the ocean, I would send my brother a list of the bills I still needed to pay that month and their account numbers. In retrospect, I suppose I could have just paid the bills before I left but somehow that never occurred to me.


These days I figure that if someone needs to find out what I owe and to whom, they could just google it (I think adsense has a cookie for that). But I’m still worried about what my loved ones will do if I die tomorrow. Do the kids know where their Social Security cards are? (Probably not. I don’t even think they know what they are) Do they know we still have one outstanding library book?


And most importantly, do they know what they’d say at my funeral? I mean, if I go down tomorrow, they’ll have to come up with something by Sunday and who can write under that kind of pressure? I know I can’t.


So I thought I’d write a draft my eulogy here that my husband can use as a template.

this came up when I googled “Death Bouquet”

(Note to my husband: just think of it as a working draft and please feel free to add your own thoughts and comments)

(Oh, and note to my mom: I don’t think Matt knows I have a blog, so if you read this and the plane goes down, could you let him know this is here? Thanks.)

Janine Noelle Kovac, known to friends and family as “Zippy” (I wasn’t, but who’s gonna know? And besides, this is my last chance to embellish the truth) was a loving wife and doting mother nearly all of the time.

Oh, man. This is harder than I thought.

Janine would have celebrated her 30th birthday this month (technically true. Not technically true: that I would have celebrated my 30th birthday this year.)

I could give a list of things I liked: classical music, raw almonds, my kids. And a list of things I didn’t like: cockroaches. FOX News. Dexy’s Midnight Runners.

Maybe I could list some of my favorite quotes. I can’t remember what they are, but I know they’re in my goodreads feed.

(Note to Matt: to make everything easier for you I have changed all our passwords to “pencil.” Except for my goodreads password, which is “snowbird1882”)

I’m sorry Matt. I just can’t think of anything interesting to say about myself. But I do have the latest bio I submitted my last Write On Mamas post:

Janine Kovac works for Litquake, San Francisco’s literary festival. She lives in Oakland with her husband and three small children. She spends her free time wondering if it’s really free time or if she’s just forgotten to do something.

Mom, will you tell Matt it’s the best I could come up with?