Vacation Responder: Recycled Succinct

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litcamp2013Who says a vacation responder has to have complete sentences? All you really need to do is let them know you’re not going to email them. As I did in this little ditty from 2014.

 

SUBJECT: off the grid

Traveling.

Chasing bears.

Reading.

Writing.

But no email.

 

Will get back to you after October 31st.

Vacation Responder: Lazy Recycled

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jack-o-lantern-312129_640A two-for-one special! Today’s vacation responder back-dated to some random day last week is both recycled from my own inbox and it’s a lazy. Good times.

 

SUBJECT: HAPPY HALLOWEEN WEEK

Happy Halloween!

I will have limited access to email from October 15 to October 31st.

If this is an emergency, please text my assistant, Sam Sung at [YOUR NUMBER].*

Have a great break!

 

* Yes, even my own real-life vacation responders have recycled jokes in them.

Vacation Responder: Recycled

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mtrainierI’ll be honest. When I started this little monthly project, I totally underestimated how hard it would be to write a new vacation responder every day. I also underestimated how quickly the novelty would wear off (and I’m just talking about me, not my audience). But I’m committed to writing a post a day even if I have to play catch up now. Even if I have to recycle real live vacation responders from my own inbox. NaNoWriMo is coming up in a few days and if I can’t write 200 words a day, how am I gonna write a novel next month?

So here goes. The first of several recycled vacation responders. 

 

SUBJECT: Holed Up Under a Rock and Writing

Dearest Kind Friend Whose Email I Can’t Wait To Read Upon My Return,

I’m away writing a book. Or playing solitaire because my book has no narrative arc. Maybe eating chocolate which is more fun than writing narrative arcs. Quite possibly drinking out of flask somewhere until inspiration fits. Writing again because what else do you do when the chocolate and booze are gone?

But not reading email until October 31, 2015.

If this is an emergency, you know the drill: you can text my assistant, Sam Sung at [YOUR NUMBER].

[WITTY CLOSING]*

* It’s probably better if you write your own witty closing instead of using mine, which, let’s face, has become pretty stale over the last five years. 

VACATION RESPONDER: SILLY

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IMG_0165What’s really important in a vacation responder? Letting people know that you are willfully ignoring them until you are good and ready to look at your inbox. Why? Nobody’s business but your own. That’s right! You don’t even have to give a valid reason.

 

SUBJECT: ABDUCTED BY ALIENS

Hello. I have been abducted by aliens and will not be answering email during this time.

Later,

[YOUR NAME]

P.S. Don’t worry, Mom. It’s nothing as crass as that probe (which is sooooo 80’s alien abduction, btw).

Vacation Responder: TMI

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dorabandaidThe perfect complement to yesterday’s lazy responder, Vacation Responder TMI accentuates in excruciatingly vivid detail why you are otherwise indisposed and cannot answer email right away. Perfect venue for a little self-pity. 

 

SUBJECT: OUT OF OFFICE TO TAKE CARE OF MEDIUM-LARGE NECK BOIL

Thank you for your email, but I will be out of the office for the next two weeks, nursing a small flesh wound that will remain after I get my boil lanced on Oct 7. Hopefully it’ll be a quicker recovery than last time. As some of you might remember, that thing oozed and festered for weeks. I still have mecuricome on several of my blouses.

Wish me luck! The doctor says that the pus that is gathering on the sides of the boil isn’t too bad; he’s seen worse. He’s confident that it’ll be put to rest after just a couple quick jabs.

Can’t be worse than this, right? http://www.break.com/topics/cysts-and-boils-being-popped-cysts-and-boils-being-popped-the-gross-ones/

As always, if this is an emergency, contact [PERSON UPON WHOM WILL GET  YOUR WORKLOAD] and if it’s a boil emergency, see my doctor, ha, ha!